Introduction to du vs. Sie

One of the first things you notice in German is that there are two ways to say "you" — and choosing the wrong one sends an immediate social signal. Du is the informal form used with friends, family, children, and peers. Sie is the formal form used with strangers, professionals, authority figures, and anyone you want to show respect to. This distinction runs through all of German grammar and social life, and getting it right from the start makes every interaction smoother.

Why du vs. Sie Matters

It is the first social choice you make in any conversation: Before you say anything else, German forces you to decide how well you know this person. The choice signals your relationship before a single piece of content is communicated.
Getting it wrong has real social consequences: Using du with someone who expects Sie can come across as rude or presumptuous. Using Sie with a close friend can feel cold and distancing.
The verb forms are different: Du and Sie take different conjugations, different possessive adjectives, and different reflexive pronouns. Learning both forms correctly from the start prevents a large class of grammatical errors.
The rules are shifting in modern Germany: Younger generations and certain industries have moved toward more informal address, but formal Sie remains essential in many contexts and will continue to be expected in professional and official situations for the foreseeable future.

Understanding du vs. Sie

The Core Distinction

	du (informal)	Sie (formal)
Used with	Friends, family, children, peers, fellow students	Strangers, older people, authority figures, professionals, customers
Typical context	Home, school, sport, social media, close colleagues	Shops, offices, official encounters, job interviews, first meetings
How it feels	Warm, personal, equal	Respectful, professional, neutral distance
Written form	Always lowercase: du, dich, dir, dein	Always capitalised: Sie, Ihnen, Ihr

The Verb Forms Side by Side

The conjugation changes completely between du and Sie. Sie (formal singular and plural) always uses the same form as the third person plural sie (they) — the only difference is the capital letter:

Verb	du form	Sie form
sein	du bist	Sie sind
haben	du hast	Sie haben
kommen	du kommst	Sie kommen
sprechen	du sprichst	Sie sprechen
wohnen	du wohnst	Sie wohnen
machen	du machst	Sie machen
können	du kannst	Sie können

Possessive Adjectives and Object Pronouns

The possessive and object forms also differ — and Sie forms are always capitalised:

Function	du (informal)	Sie (formal)
Nominative	du	Sie
Accusative	dich	Sie
Dative	dir	Ihnen
Possessive (masc.)	dein	Ihr
Possessive (fem.)	deine	Ihre
Possessive (neut.)	dein	Ihr
Reflexive	dich / dir	sich

When to Use du

Use du when you are speaking to someone you are on genuinely familiar terms with:

Situation	Example
Family members	Mama, kannst du mir helfen?
Close friends	Was machst du heute Abend?
Children (anyone under ~14)	Wie heißt du?
Fellow students / peers at uni	Hast du die Hausaufgaben gemacht?
People who have offered you du	Danke — darf ich auch du sagen?
Animals and pets	Bist du hungrig, kleiner Hund?
God (in prayer)	Vater, der du im Himmel bist...

When to Use Sie

Use Sie as your default with any adult you do not know or who has a higher social or professional standing:

Situation	Example
Strangers (any age)	Entschuldigung, können Sie mir helfen?
Shop assistants and service staff	Haben Sie das auch in Größe M?
Doctors, lawyers, officials	Haben Sie meine Unterlagen erhalten?
Teachers (at school level, usually)	Herr Müller, darf ich eine Frage stellen?
Job interview / workplace (formal)	Wo sehen Sie Ihre Stärken?
Older adults you have just met	Sind Sie schon lange in Berlin?

ihr — the Informal Plural

When addressing a group of people informally, German uses ihr — the informal plural equivalent of du. Sie (formal) works for both one person and a group:

Situation	Pronoun	Example
One person, informal	du	Kommst du mit?
Group of friends	ihr	Kommt ihr mit?
One person, formal	Sie	Kommen Sie mit?
Group in formal context	Sie	Kommen Sie bitte herein.

Switching from Sie to du — Das Duzen

The transition from Sie to du is a social ritual in German-speaking culture. It almost always requires an explicit offer — called das Duzen anbieten — from the older, higher-ranking, or host person. You do not switch on your own:

Situation	What happens	Example offer
Older person offers to younger	Older person makes the offer	Wir können uns gern duzen — ich bin die Maria.
At a party or social gathering	Common to switch naturally	Lass uns doch du sagen!
Workplace (after getting to know someone)	Usually initiated by the senior person	Darf ich Sie duzen?
Online and social media	Almost always du by default	No offer needed in most online contexts

Step-by-Step Guide to Choosing du or Sie

Do you know this person personally? If yes and you are on familiar terms → du.
Is this person a child under around 14? → Always du.
Is this a professional or official context with a stranger? → Always Sie.
Are you unsure? → Default to Sie. It is never offensive. Du with the wrong person can be.
Has someone offered you du? → You may now use du back and switch all your forms (possessives, object pronouns, verb endings).
Addressing a group informally? → Use ihr with the ihr verb form.

Pro Tip: When in doubt — always start with Sie. No German speaker has ever been offended by being addressed formally. Switching from Sie to du is always possible and welcome when the relationship develops. The reverse — switching from du back to Sie — is socially very awkward.

Memory Pattern: Sie is always written with a capital S when it means "you (formal)" — in the middle of a sentence, after a comma, anywhere. This capital letter is the visual signal: this is respect, not a third person.

Key Examples

German	English	Note
Wie heißt du?	What is your name?	du — informal; asking a peer or child their name
Wie heißen Sie?	What is your name?	Sie — formal; asking a stranger or professional
Kannst du mir helfen?	Can you help me?	du — asking a friend; kannst is the du form of können
Können Sie mir helfen?	Could you help me?	Sie — asking a stranger; können is the Sie form
Was ist deine Telefonnummer?	What is your phone number?	deine — informal possessive (feminine noun Nummer)
Was ist Ihre Telefonnummer?	What is your phone number?	Ihre — formal possessive (always capitalised)
Ich danke dir.	I thank you.	dir — dative of du (informal)
Ich danke Ihnen.	I thank you.	Ihnen — dative of Sie (formal, always capitalised)
Kommt ihr heute Abend mit?	Are you (all) coming along tonight?	ihr — informal plural; kommt is the ihr form
Wir können uns gern duzen — ich bin der Thomas.	We can use du if you like — I am Thomas.	Offering to switch from Sie to du — a common and warm gesture

Common Mistakes

Mistake 1: Haben sie Zeit, Herr Müller?
- Fix: The formal Sie must always be written with a capital S — Haben Sie Zeit, Herr Müller? Lowercase sie means "she" or "they" — a completely different meaning that makes the sentence incomprehensible as a formal address.
Mistake 2: Können du mir helfen?
- Fix: The verb must agree with the pronoun. The du form of können is kannst: Kannst du mir helfen?
Mistake 3: Wie ist dein Name, Frau Schmidt?
- Fix: When addressing someone formally with Sie, all possessives must also be formal: Wie ist Ihr Name, Frau Schmidt? Mixing formal address with informal possessives is inconsistent and sounds strange.
Mistake 4: Kommt du mit?
- Fix: The du-form verb conjugation for *kommen* is *kommst*, not *kommt* — that is the *er/sie/es* form: Kommst du mit?
Nuance 1: Using du with shop assistants in Germany.
- Fix: Unlike in some Scandinavian countries where informal address is standard everywhere, using du with shop assistants, waiters, or service staff in Germany is generally considered rude unless they have explicitly offered it. Sie is the expected register in all commercial and professional contexts.

Cultural Insights

The du-ification of German workplaces: Many modern German companies — especially startups and tech firms — have adopted a blanket du culture where everyone uses the informal form regardless of seniority. Companies like Zalando, N26, and most advertising agencies operate this way. However, traditional industries (banking, law, medicine, the public sector) still expect formal Sie by default. When starting a new job, observe what others do before choosing.
Ikea and the corporate du: IKEA Germany famously switched to using du with all customers in its marketing materials in the 1970s — a deliberate and at the time controversial decision that positioned the brand as accessible and egalitarian. This is now standard in many retail and consumer brands, which is why their advertising always reads Entdecke deine Möglichkeiten rather than Entdecken Sie Ihre Möglichkeiten.
The weight of Duzen: Being offered du by a German colleague or acquaintance is a meaningful social gesture — it signals that the relationship has moved to a new level of trust and familiarity. Accepting it warmly and then consistently using du back (including all the correct forms) is the expected and appreciated response. Forgetting and slipping back into Sie after the switch has been made can feel like a step backward in the relationship.

Practice Scenarios

Meeting a stranger: Using formal Sie at a first encounter, e.g., Guten Tag — sind Sie neu hier? Ich bin die Frau Bauer. (Good day — are you new here? I am Frau Bauer.)
- Wie heißen Sie? (What is your name?)
- Woher kommen Sie? (Where are you from?)
- Können Sie mir sagen, wo...? (Could you tell me where...?)
Talking with friends: Comfortable informal du in everyday conversation, e.g., Hey, was machst du heute? Hast du Lust, ins Kino zu gehen? (Hey, what are you doing today? Do you feel like going to the cinema?)
- Was machst du gerade? (What are you doing right now?)
- Kannst du morgen kommen? (Can you come tomorrow?)
- Wie geht es dir? (How are you?)
At the doctor's or in an office: Maintaining formal address in professional contexts, e.g., Guten Morgen, Herr Doktor. Haben Sie meine Unterlagen erhalten? (Good morning, Doctor. Have you received my documents?)
- Haben Sie einen Termin frei? (Do you have an appointment available?)
- Können Sie das bitte wiederholen? (Could you please repeat that?)
- Vielen Dank, Frau Müller. (Thank you very much, Frau Müller.)
Offering the switch: Transitioning from Sie to du, e.g., Wir arbeiten jetzt schon drei Monate zusammen — wollen wir uns duzen? (We have been working together for three months now — shall we use du?)
- Darf ich Sie duzen? (May I use du with you?)
- Lass uns du sagen! (Let's use du!)
- Ich bin die Anna — und du bist...? (I am Anna — and you are...?)

Follow-Up Questions

Why is Sie always written with a capital S when it means "you (formal)"?
- Example Answer: The capital S distinguishes the formal Sie (you) from the lowercase sie (she or they). Without the capital, the meaning of the sentence changes entirely. This capitalisation applies everywhere — including in the middle of a sentence — and is one of the few cases where a German pronoun is capitalised outside of the start of a sentence.
How do you address a group of friends versus a group of strangers?
- Example Answer: A group of friends takes ihr with the ihr verb form — Kommt ihr mit? A group of strangers or people you are addressing formally takes Sie, the same form as formal singular — Kommen Sie bitte herein. Sie (formal) does not change between singular and plural.
What should you do if you are unsure which form to use?
- Example Answer: Always default to Sie. It is respectful and never offensive. If the other person wants to use du, they will offer it. Starting with du when Sie was expected is much harder to recover from socially than starting with Sie and being invited to switch.

Conclusion

The choice between du and Sie is not just grammar — it is one of the most socially loaded decisions in the German language, made dozens of times every day by every German speaker. The rule for beginners is simple: default to Sie with strangers and professionals, use du with people you know personally, and wait for an explicit offer before switching. Once the distinction is internalised, it becomes automatic — and it unlocks a deeper understanding of how German-speaking culture thinks about respect, familiarity, and social distance.

Practice Makes Perfect

The exercises below practise both the choice of pronoun and the correct verb and possessive forms — because choosing Sie but then writing dein is a very common mixed error that the exercises are specifically designed to catch.